The Math Guy (For James)

I love the math guy

His hair so thin

If James would just murder

It would not be a sin

He’s boring and bland

Like Mojave sand

He makes children drool

And wish they were in school

He wants Ben to call

So they can hang at the mall

He things he’s so coy

Wearing green courduroy

And we sit in our chairs

Watching the clock

Cos we all know

That he keeps the door locked

We could yell murder

Or scream and shout “Rape!”

We could cry larceny

But we can never escape

He knows so much more

Than the average bear

If we would give our attention

To his math work so fair

We just might have learned something

And put our troubles in past

We would if we could

But he goes so darn fast!

If you don’t know the answer to radical Q

And don’t know how much soup can fill the Bronx Zoo

You will not appreciate – your brain will go numb

Because we all know that we’re all just plain dumb

When we take the exam

We’ll struggle and sweat

We’ll want to cry

And wear a hair-net

And the math guy will smile

He’ll chuckle with glee

“Ha Ha!” He’ll laugh. “You should have listened to me!”

And Jamie will run and she’ll yell as she charges

She’ll kick and she’ll punch like 90 Ton barges

“Band together!” She’ll cry, “We’ll dismember the loser!

“He hates when we move and he’s a balding old boozer!

“God help us all if he’s ever gone matin’

“Cos those poor kids are the hell spawn of Satan!”

And she’ll cut off his legs and burn his Math Soul

And parade around Temple with his head on a pole

So this is a lesson, from this guy’s bad luck

You better watch out – cos we all know Math sucks!