Posted on Drew University's Cafeteria Comment Board 10/5/00

DECLARATION OF CRACKLIN' OATBRAN

IN DORM ROOM, October 5, 2000.

The unanimous Request of two students at Drew University,
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the familial bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Society and societies God entitle them, a decent breakfast for the appetites of mankind requires that they should request the cereals which they no longer consume due to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that not all breakfast cereals are created equal, that they are endowed by Kelloggs with certain unaliable characteristics, that among are Sugar, Sugar and more Sugar.-That to secure those cereals, Food Services are instituted among students, serving their cereals from the consent of the students, - that whenever any form of Food Service becomes lacking at some ends, it is the right of the students to request a supply of what they like, or request a reformation of those options supplied, laying a meal plan on such products and organizing demands in such form as to them shall seem most likely to eat for breakfast. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Food Service long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience that shewn, that students are more disposed to simply consume other types of cereal, while they are edible, than to right themselves by requesting the cereals to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of over-sugared cereals are served to them, and additionally those which they do consume are neglected to be refilled, it is their right, it is their duty, to post an Aramark Comment Card and to request those breakfast cereals which they like for their future morning meals. - Such has been the patient sufferance of these students; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to request action on their cereals. The history of Aramark at Drew is a history of satisfied students, all having in direct object the serving of good food to these students.

In every stage of dissatisfaction, students have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our petitions have been answered in a timely fashion by the managerial staff. A staff whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a satisfactory food service, is fit to continue serving the students.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the cereal eating public; in Dorm Room assembled, appealing to the Supreme Food Service of the campus for consideration of our request, do, in the name of those students of Drew University, solemnly publish and request, that the Cracklin' Oatbran Bin be refilled; and that they are absolved from all need to consume over-sugared, generic Raisin Bran any longer, and that the relationship of the Cracklin' Oatbran consuming students and the Aramark corporation be completely restored; and that as Drew University students, they have full power to request more non-sugared, non-corn/rice, preferably wheat cereals, consume what they like, with students who enjoy the same, do all other things students content with their food service will do and thank the managerial staff. And for the support of this request, with a firm reliance on the consideration of the managerial staff for the happiness of student life, we mutually pledge to Aramark our request, thanks and the wish that you have a nice day.