If you have the proper plugin installed, you should shortly
be hearing a really crappy midi version of the Metallica song, "The
If you like having total crap on your computer, you can download the
unfor1.mid - right click and select "Save As" to download
We're off to a bad start. The horizontal lines give
away the shoddieness of this video right away. But maybe whoever
made it just didn't have high quality clips to work with.
The action starts off with a criminal chasing a truck for some
reason. It must have been loaded by retards because it appears
about 1/10 full and the back doors were left open. How convinient...
As the criminal attempts to jump onboard, the generic empty boxes
(a cartoon staple) fall out the back and shatter. But our resourcefull
bad-guy manages to hurdle them and jump aboard. What could he want
with all those empty boxes?
Nevermind that now, we're off to the Batcave, where Alfred is
helping Bruce Wayne suit up. Alfred looks a little too young, but
I'm willing to let it go. So far, so good.
But then, as Bruce puts on the mask and turns around, Alfred
appears shocked and terrified.
Alfred: "Oh my God... You're Batman?!?!"
Ok, he doesn't actually say that, but that's what he seems to be thinking.
I must be missing something.
Batman seems displeased by Alfred's reaction.
Now wait just a damn minute....
Ok, thank God we got out of that f*cked up Batcave with two Alfreds.
Now things will really get good. Here's Batman standing on a building
looking sad. Ok Batman, time to kick some ass...
Ok, here's Batman on another building holding... Bat-binoculars?
Perhaps he's looking for the criminal from the opening scene or
something? No, sadly, he's actually looking at some woman and a
guy eating dinner. Why? I don't know. It seems the dark knight
is a peeping Tom. Without warning, the screen goes all wavy. I
sense a flashback...
Or not... This is just a scene of Batman looking sad again. I'm
confused. Is this the flashback, or was the peeping Tom scene a
flashback? And what happened to the criminal from before?
No time for that, the police are chasing Batman with a helicopter.
"Damnit, Batman, you're a loose cannon! You've
gotta stop taking the law into your own hands! I'll have your
badge for this one!"
Thinking quickly, Batman grapples to the underside of the helicopter
to escape a squad of police below. Good idea, Batman, they can't
possibly hit you if you're dangling helplessly from one of their
Creepiest looking cops ever. What the hell kind of guns are those
anyway? And what's with the goggles? Perhaps they are afraid Batman
will throw hazardous chemicals at them. Safety first.
Well, I'll just have to assume Batman got out of that last scrape,
cuz suddently he's driving the Batcycle through gale-force winds..
Batman spots a woman in danger of getting blown away. He daringly
speeds off toward the source of the wind. Oh no! It can't be! It's...
... um... it's a, uh... giant fan... of some sort.
Thinking quickly, our hero hits a jump, launches into the air,
and hurles the Batcycle at the fan, causing it to spark and explode..
But Batman is not out of the woods yet. Suddenly he's a giant
walking through the streets of Gotham. The guy who made this mix
must have been on crack. *UPDATE: I've been
informed by a friend who's actually seen this Batman episode that
Batman is not a giant
in this scene; he's actually walking through a scale model of Gotham
City created by the Joker. This in no way implies that the guy
who made this mix was not on crack
Oh no! It's a giagantic Joker! Watch out Batman, that's the top
of the chrystler building he's holding! Be careful, it's pointy!
*UPDATE: OK, I now realize that this is
not actually the Chrystler building, it's a model. And yes, the
is in New
York anyway, not Gotham City. But you have to admit it does look
an awful lot like the Chrystler building. The point is, the Joker
is using the top of a building as a weapon. That is just hardcore,
any way you slice it.
Batman somhow evades the deadly chrystler building and kicks
the Joker in the face. But now the Joker has something even more
deadly.... a remote control!! *UPDATE: The
newly revealed fact that the Joker is in fact not a giant in this
scene makes his use
of a remote control only slightly less ridiculous. Sure, we
don't have to imagine that it's a giant remote control, but we
must still ask
ourselves what purpose it serves, and why the Joker feels the need
to close his eyes when using it.
Suddenly, everyone is again normal size, and now the Joker has
a jetpack that looks almost identical to that shitty jetpack James
Bond uses in that one Bond movie. You know the one... I wanna say
Moonraker? Anyway, Batman pursues the Joker by scaling a gigantic
globe (apparently those things are everywhere, because I see them
on cartoons all the time).
Batman then pounces onto the Joker's back. Ariel antics ensue,
and the two foes fly out of control...
...and crash into the afore-mentioned globe. Moments later...
...stuff blows up for no apparent reason. Hell yeah!
Bring it down! Bring it all down!
Look out Batman! That globe is exposive too!
Following the explosions, Batman stands around in the water looking
pissed. Hey, you'd be pissed too if you were covered in orange
A few more explosions, for good measure.
Cut to anguished Bruce Wayne in the Batcave. Could we perhaps
call him, The Unforgiven??
Oh no, helicopters have found the Batplane! I thought the video
was over, but apparently not. Jeez, could this get any more incoherent?
Yes! It can! Because that's the end, right there. The end of
the song is cut off and we don't get to find out what happens to
the Batplane. At least this trainwreck of a video is finally over.
Now I can go back and watch that cool fan scene again...